Pregnancy Update - 37 Weeks

Full term. Could go in to labor any time and it would be fine. How? How are we already here?

A few updates:

Physically: I mostly feel pretty good. I feel like my belly is small for basically being at the end of the pregnancy, but I think I feel that way every time. My measurements have been right on throughout the pregnancy, though, so even though I feel like I'm small, I'm right on track.

One of the not so fun parts about this stage is the heartburn/reflux - it's not my favorite, but I try to deal with it as best I can. I'll be really disappointed if this babe comes out with minimal hair. I've actually joked that he'd better come out with a full head of hair and ZZ Top beard, for all the heartburn I've had. Ha.

As far as aches and pains, I've only got one, but it's pretty intense. It started a couple of months ago, if I was walking too much (which, for me, isn't actually very much..) I would get really sore in my thighs, specifically the inner thigh. It wasn't debilitating at first, just a minor annoyance.

I can't recall exactly when, I think somewhere around 33-34 weeks, it started to get worse. Not only was I feeling the pain in my thighs, but in my pubic bone. Lifting my legs into pants or to climb in a car became so painful, and my ability to walk normally has disappeared.

My understanding is that pregnant women waddle when the baby's head sinks into the pelvis, which makes walking with the legs close together more difficult. For me, the waddling began because of pain. I don't know if I could even call it waddling, it feels more like I'm limping.

The pain is fairly constant, but there are definitely good days and bad days. These are determined by my activity level. For the most part, I am walking and trying to be on my feet a lot less, but there are days when I need to get errands done or whatever, and end up pushing my body too hard which can take days to recover from. Aside from taking it easy, there's not much I can do about the pain right now. The only "cure" is to have this baby.

I still experience moments of panic and anxiety  but we've been doing a lot of solid work in therapy, so I have a bunch of tools to calm myself down when I start to freak out. I think one of the most valuable tools is the realization that it's okay to feel the fear. Simply by validating myself for feeling afraid, the intensity of my panicking diminishes. It's been really amazing. I've felt the panic come on, acknowledge it for what it is, validate myself, and am able to talk myself down from there, before it can escalate. It may seem like a small thing, but for me this is huge!

Mr. Boss thinks this little one will come early, but I'm fully prepared for him to be like his sisters and come 2 weeks late. Either way, we won't have to wait too much longer to find out! It's equal parts exciting and overwhelming. I honestly cannot believe how soon our newest babe be here. Time is moving too fast!

Bossling #7!

I assume most of you who read this have already seen via Facebook or Instagram, but I figured it was time to blog about it, too.

We are expecting our 7th little bossling babe later this year!

I'm due mid - November, but I'm basically calling the entire second half of the month, since I assume I'm most likely to go over.

That puts me just over halfway, which means I also know that we're having ...

Another little Boy!

I did want another girl, so I felt a little disappointed at first, but as I see my boys doing sweet things here and there, it makes me feel more excited for this new little guy.

Cute stuff like comforting his big sis
because she was upset about getting another brother.

Physically, I'm feeling pretty good. I struggled a lot with intense food aversions for the first while that made eating extremely difficult. Aside from that, I'm still one who doesn't get very sick, and I don't have a big belly or the discomforts of later pregnancy, yet. Except heartburn. That started up the past week or two. It comes on just about every evening, and it is not my favorite.

22 weeks

Emotionally, well that's a big can of worms. Usually I feel really excited to be pregnant, I am one of those weirdos who enjoy being pregnancy, and the thought of a new tiny babe is usually thrilling enough to help me remain positive through any discomfort I might experience. But... I haven't really been able to feel those excited feelings this time around, as I've been fairly consumed by some pretty intense anxiety.

23 weeks

I developed an ever-increasing fear of labor and birth after my fourth was born. I worked pretty hard to work through my fears leading up to my last birth, and I had really hoped that it had been enough, but within a few days of the positive test, I began having some pretty severe panic attacks and anxiety.
The fears were so intense, I couldn't even look up midwives without a near meltdown. I was 12 or 13 weeks before finally contacting midwives to interview, and didn't officially choose one until 15 weeks.

24 weeks

I finally came to the conclusion that I needed help to work through these issues, and have since started seeing a therapist. It's still early, but I'm hopeful that we'll get to the bottom of and work through my fears.

Aside from that we're all pretty excited for a new baby brother. He's growing so fast and I'm feeling him more everyday, it's scary and exciting and surreal. 

birth story part iii // the birth

birth story part i and part ii

As evening came, my contractions and discomfort continued. My hope for a before-midnight birth was fading with each passing hour, but it was becoming clear to me that this was the night. Of course, there were some hiccups, like how every person we had previously spoken with about coming to sit at the house while we went to have a baby was unavailable that night. Good times! We called someone new, who was also not available, but she made some phone calls in our behalf, and eventually a kind soul was found who came to stay on our couch. We weren't sure when to have her come, as we didn't know when we'd be leaving, but to save the stress of more phone calls we had her come over at 9. Looking back, I feel like, once the sitter had arrived, I was able to relax more fully, allowing for things to really started moving along.

At one point I began to feel the panic I had felt during my “false alarm” on the 21^st. Since then, I had written down some affirmations and scriptures to help with my anxiety, and I had to really focus on those positive words to calm myself. I worked hard to accept what was happening and remind myself that I could do it. The amazing thing was, it worked. I felt calm, I didn't want to do it, but I wouldn't let myself say that. I kept reciting those positive sayings in my mind. I can do this. My body knows what to do. It was a very conscious process to keep the negative thoughts at bay.

I'd been in bed nearly all afternoon and evening. After getting the kids to bed and getting the sitter situated, Mr. Boss came in and joined me. I was playing soft music on my phone, to help with bringing calming feelings, so I could try to rest a bit. Mr. Boss was in and out of sleep, waking on occasion to rub my back through a contraction. I couldn't seem to decide if I was hot or cold. I'd pull on a blanket, then push it off, then be shivering and pull on a cardigan, only to start sweating. And then came the point where I was too uncomfortable to lay down any longer. I startled Mr. Boss awake as I moved to kneel beside the bed, pulling my pillow closer to rest my head. I was so tired.

As the contractions would come, I would focus on my breathing and try to let my body do what it needed, but it was hurting. I asked Mr. Boss if he would offer some counter-pressure on my hips/lower back, instead of continuing to rub my back. This was a definite sign that things were moving along.

Around 11:30, I called the midwife. Things were really starting to pick up, and all I could think about was how I didn't want to feel totally miserable on the drive in, and how I really wanted to get in the tub. She asked about my contractions, and I told her how they'd been going up to that point. I was upset when she said it was still too soon, and reminded me that they want to see contractions that are 4-5 minutes apart and lasting more than a minute. We hung up, and I worked to keep up with the encouraging self-talk. I also continued tracking my contractions, but I wasn't really paying attention to how frequently they were coming. I was too busy trying to breathe through them as they came.

It was Mr. Boss who suggested we call back. I scanned the tracker and told him I thought she'd say it was still too soon, and reminded him about what the midwife had told me. He insisted we call anyway and, when I wouldn't, he did. When he hung up, he told me the midwife asked us to wait another 20 minutes, but then we could come in. Mr. Boss ran around gathering up the things we had planned to take with us and then helped me out to the van. And then he ran back inside for my blanket because it was too cold.

On our way!

The drive in, surprisingly, wasn't bad, except when a contraction would come. It's hard not to be able to move around, but I found that pushing my lower back into the seat provided some counter pressure that made the contractions a bit more bearable. In between them I was still talking and joking, admiring the quiet night, and appreciating the minimal midnight traffic that was so different from our experiences in Denver – because, even in that moment, I was noticing the stark differences between big city and small town, haha. But I loved it. The night was still and quiet, and I appreciated the lack of traffic. We made good time. And I only asked Mr. Boss to run one red light, because I really wanted to be in the tub.

I could see that there were lights on as we pulled up to the birth center, and I felt this spark of excitement knowing that those lights were on because my baby was coming!

My labor had definitely advanced from what it was when we left the house. Contractions were frequent and strong, and I had mentally turned inward as I focused on working through them. 

I was greeted by friendly faces as I walked in the door, almost like a hero's welcome, this was finally happening. I stopped a couple of times on the way to the birthing suite, as a contraction would roll through. “Just get to the tub” kept running through my mind. Which is why I was disappointed to see the tub was empty when I walked in the room. They wanted to check baby's heartbeat for a moment once I'd arrived, then they started filling the tub and I set to getting undressed, pausing here and there for a contraction.

The moment I stepped into the tub was glorious. I had made it! In that moment, I was so focused on the work my body was doing and yet managed to be aware of things in a sort of out-of-body way. I was already feeling pretty worn out by then. I had this moment when the thought, or the memory, came to my mind, of being at about the same point during my last labor, and telling Mr. Boss things like “I can't do this!” and “I don't want to do this!” For a split second, my thought was that I could easily say those things right then, but I stopped myself. “No, I can do this! My body was made to do this! My body knows what to do, I know what to do, and I can do it!”

In my labors, I'm learning that I can tell where I'm at in labor, depending on the sounds I'm making, or not making. Early on I'm fine, and have the ability to talk through contractions, but choose not to, preferring to work on focusing my breathing. Then there comes the point where all I can do is breath through them, this is also the time when back or arm tickles are very beneficial. From there I move from needed back tickles to counter-pressure, and I begin humming as I exhale during the contractions. Up to that point, I'm pretty quiet. As I progress further, my humming turns into moaning, which is quite a bit louder. Finally, as I push, there is a mixture of moaning, yelling, and complete silence.

It felt like it was only a few minutes after stepping into the tub that I moved from humming to moaning. In some ways it felt like things were taking too long, I really just wanted to be done, but at the same time, I could tell that things were progressing. I hoped it would't be much longer.

The birth center offers the use of nitrous to help with pain management during the later stages of labor. I'd been debating whether to try it or not in the weeks leading up to the birth. I hadn't made a final decision, but as soon as they asked, I decided to try it out. One of the midwives brought the machine in, and explained how to use it. I was leaning over the edge of the tub, one hand resting, one hand holding the mask, and Mr. Boss sitting in a chair beside me, ready to pass me a drink when I needed it. As a contraction would come, I would put the mask to my face and breath as I'd been instructed before pulling it away, and breathing through the rest of the contraction as normal. At first they said that it could be up to an hour before I noticed any relief from the contraction, and later told me it was also basically a placebo. Either way, I didn't really feel like it made a difference for me. After maybe 10 rounds, I stopped using it all together.

I was reaching the point when breathing is not enough, when moaning is not enough. So, I started to bear down as I'd exhale. It's all pretty uncomfortable by then, but there was a sense of relief as I focused my breath into early pushing. After a few contractions like that, the pushing started to be more intense and almost involuntary, as my body began to really take over. I didn't say anything, just quietly did my thing. I kept feeling like I had to be making great progress, but as I'd reach down to check for the top of baby's head, there was nothing. There was another moment of discouragement, but I pushed it aside with another positive line.

The midwife had been in and out, from what I could tell, with my eyes being closed most of the time. Every now and then I'd hear her offering words of encouragement and support, which I really appreciated. And then she noticed that I appeared to be pushing and asked as much. I weakly responded that I was. I might have mentioned that it felt better that way, I'm not sure. Either way, it was clear that the end was very near. The water in the tub had cooled a bit by then, so they emptied some of the old water out and ran more warm water in preparation for the final moments.

As my pushing became more intense and more involuntary, my midwife asked if she could do a quick internal check. I was in a sort of squatted position at the edge of the tub (in the exact position I'd envisioned being in when I thought about how I wanted this birth to go), she said I wouldn't have to move much, so I told her that would be fine. She came over and reached in to check, only to tell me that I wasn't quite fully open.

My first thought was “that can't be right”, though I didn't vocalize it. Pushing felt entirely involuntary by then, but suddenly the midwife was saying I needed to try to stop pushing. “Not on your life”, I thought. Then she gave another option, that she could hold back the last little bit of cervix for me. “Yes, that last one,” I weakly mumbled to her as another contraction began.

This was it. I pushed and pushed, I was feeling this sense of urgency to get it over with, I wanted the pain to stop, and I wanted my baby here. And then I could feel the top of her head, and I could feel her hair. She was so close, and that only made me work harder.

Crowning is such an intense feeling, and it feels as though it takes forever. There is so much effort to stay focused by then, and it is also then that I am the loudest. It hurts. After it feels like I must have gotten the baby out at least three times, the head is finally born. That pain was still so intense, but there was a brief break before the final push, then the strange and glorious sensation of the rest of the baby emerging, and the sweet relief of knowing that I had done it. Finally! I reached down to grab her tiny body, to pull her to my chest and gingerly changed to a reclined position in the tub. I rubbed her back and side as we waited for her first cries.

After so much waiting, she was finally here. Girl number 2, baby number 6. Born October 1^st at 2:40 am. Totally and completely worth the wait.

*****

First car ride, headed home!

Something I really appreciate about the birth center is that they don't keep you for very long. We arrived home shortly before 7 am, just as the children were all waking up and wondering where mom and dad were, and who this person on the couch was. There were all of these excited faces looking out the window as we pulled up and they were all there, watching in awe, as I carried this tiny, new person into our home. Sweet Eleanor had her eyes locked on her new sister as we walked through the door, with a glimmer of tears in her eyes. It was this magical moment when her dreams had finally come true in the form of a baby sister.

Proud first-time big brother. He's loved her so much, right from the start.

My girls!!

birth story part ii // coaxing labor

(In case you missed the first part of my birth story, or want a refresh, click here.)

The truth was, I was glad baby girl hadn't come, as it was my sister's birthday. But it also meant that baby girl only had one more day to show up before the month was over.

I had another visit with the midwives that day, where the plan was to try again for a sweep. I was so nervous that I would go in only to learn I still wasn't dilated, but I was! Only just enough for a little sweep, but it was encouraging nonetheless, this was progress! Things were happening!

Along with the little sweep, I was sent home with a tincture called “Labor Boost” and instructions on how to take it. We also set up a time for me to come in the next morning, pending baby, for another sweep. The plan was to do a sweep every day until either baby arrived or we passed the 42 week deadline and I was sent to the hospital to be induced.

That night I went out for a little girls night. As I drove home later, I noticed that a bit of fog had rolled in, giving the night a crisp, autumn night coziness. It seemed like the kind of adverse weather condition that babies enjoy coming in. I couldn't help as my mind began to envision driving in the dead of night, through the fog, to the birth center. The next morning was “doughnuts with mom” at the kid's school, and I was bummed at the prospect of missing it, but figured it would be okay if it meant I had a baby in my arms.

I woke several times that night to pee, but there were no contractions. When I woke to the light of morning, my hope was not gone. I mean, I was a little bummed, yes, but at least I'd get a doughnut or two. Definitely two.

The fog that morning was so thick, there were areas where there was maybe 5 feet of visibility. It was stunning, though. The thrill of the beauty of the fog quickly faded as I walked into the school to looks of pity from the many familiar faces I saw, and nearly burst into tears as one woman asked, full of surprise, “Still no baby?” I tried to keep it together when I said hi to the mom who'd been due the same day as me, sitting at a table with her precious, nearly two week old baby boy. Then I snagged what seems to have been the very last chocolate iced doughnut, before one of my children could take it. Because, in that moment, I needed the chocolate.

As I drove home through the fog that was beginning to clear, I tried to focus on the beauty of the sight I was getting to see and photograph, thanks to the tardiness of my little girl, instead of the discouragement I was again feeling.

A few hours later, I was back at the birth center. More progress had been made, which meant a more vigorous sweep was possible. The two little boys were so full of energy that morning, it would have been good for them if I'd taken them to a park, but I was so uncomfortable afterward. The thought of going to a park was completely intimidating and undesirable. Instead, as we drove, my eyes were drawn to the trees filled with vibrantly colored leaves against the now completely clear blue sky. Whether on her own or due to an induction, baby girl was coming soon, I might not get another chance like this to get pictures of the autumn leaves (which, if you know me, you understand that this realization was very important.) So I drove around town, stopping to pull out my camera here and there, when I saw a sight so beautiful I just couldn't pass it by. It wasn't long, though, before my discomfort was too great and I had to head for home.

Once home, I got the little boys settled in with a movie, and then I went to bed. It was a Friday, a short day, so the big kids were home soon after. It made resting a bit more difficult, but I was too uncomfortable to do much else. I started tracking contractions at about 1 pm, but wasn't really paying attention to their frequency. The discomfort carried through the afternoon and into evening, but when I noticed the colors in the sky as the sun was setting I couldn’t resist, and managed to hobble myself out there for a moment, to capture the sunset. 

The last sunset before baby girl

I wasn't sure yet, if it was the beginning, but couldn't help hoping that it was, and that – somehow – baby girl would come before midnight.

The very last pregnancy photos, taken by my 9 year old.

(Part iii) 

birth story part i // the false alarm

I feel like my story really starts on September 21, at about 3 am. My hope had been to carry at least until the first official day of autumn, the 22^nd. That would put me 4 days after my “due” date, which I was perfectly fine with, and then my two girls would have autumn birthdays, keeping them separate from the boys' who all have summer birthdays. Maybe it was a silly thing to hope for, but it's what I hoped for nonetheless. Along with that hope, I was still dealing with a lot of fear in regard to the upcoming birth. I'd been trying to work through my fears for the better part of the pregnancy, and I thought I'd made some really great progress, but I was about to learn that I still had a lot more work to do.

I woke up at 3 am on the 21^st and couldn't get back to sleep due to an aching discomfort in my stomach. I tried to rest, I tried to get comfortable, but I couldn't. That, along with some other labor-like signs, had me pretty convinced that this was it and I panicked. I tried to track the contractions as they came. I tried to calm myself. I tried to talk myself into being okay with baby girl coming before the first official day of autumn. But mostly I panicked and prayed hard that I would be able to get some rest, and that this was not the night. Finally contractions seemed to slow, and I fell back to sleep. I woke in the morning pleased to have my baby still on the inside and totally shaken by the events of the night before.

timing "contractions" and the gorgeous sky on my way to my appointment the next morning

Later that day I had my 40 week visit with the midwives, where I told them about my 3 am experience, and then burst into tears, because fear still had such a deep hold on me. Talking with them helped me feel a bit better, and I was given more ideas to try and work through the fears that had revealed themselves in the little time I had left before baby girl would decide to come. The midwife also offered to check my cervix, and do a membrane sweep, if I wanted. I was in such a weird place, between fear of giving birth and wanting to be on the other side of birth, between curiosity towards my progress and the fear of doing anything to inspire labor. I couldn't decide. At that point, due to the events of the night before, we all thought it was only a matter of time before the real show would start, anyway. But I was told that, if I at any point changed my mind, I could call and they'd get me in for a sweep.

At the end of that visit, we scheduled a 41 week non-stress test (NST), and an ultrasound to check amniotic fluid levels and make sure everything was looking good. I plugged the appointments into my phone, feeling so sure that I'd have a baby before that. What followed were mornings where I would wake with no baby in my arms, and days where it seemed like my body had stopped trying to have a baby altogether. Braxton Hicks contractions, which I'd been having regularly for weeks, had all but stopped. Contractions weren't even happening when Noah would nurse, where before that had been a guaranteed way to inspire a good few. I began to feel so frustrated and discouraged.

Normally I'm totally okay with going past my “due date”, but even the fear-filled side of me was feeling frustrated and discouraged by what appeared to be a complete lack of impending labor signs. I kept thinking back to how anxious I was before going in to labor with Noah, but how, once labor had started and my body took over, there was no more room in my body or mind for panic. I kept thinking, if I could just get to the point of labor and delivery, that I would be free of my anxieties.

the NST

The day of the NST came, still no baby. The next day I had the ultrasound (where fluid levels were perfect). But the month was running out and I was stressing. I began crossing my fingers for the 28^th, and decided that, if baby girl hadn't arrived by the 27^th, that I would go in to have my membranes stripped. Of course, I woke up that morning, just as pregnant as the night before. Summoning all of the bravery inside of myself, I called the birth center and scheduled to come in for a sweep. I was shaking as I hung up and immediately burst into tears. I wanted to get this thing over with, but I was still so terrified.

When I got to the birth center, I was taken back into the birthing suite, where the midwife first talked with me about how I was doing, and if I really wanted to do this. I told her I was still so full of fear, but there were new fears regarding not doing anything as well. Fears like not having the baby in September – thus ruining a birthday pattern I'd been so excited about – fears of not having the baby before 42 weeks and losing the opportunity to give birth at the birth center, fears of having to go to the hospital for an induction. I wasn't thrilled at the prospect of a membrane sweep, but I was feeling like it was the only way to get baby girl here. During this meeting, I was also texting Mr. Boss, telling him just how scared I was feeling, and he offered to take a long lunch to come sit with me. I told the midwife, and she kindly waited until he'd arrived before we got started with the unpleasantness of the cervical exam and membrane sweep. As we walked out of the birth center a short time later, my feelings of discouragement were at an all time high. I felt sure that this baby was never coming. There had been no membrane sweep, it wasn't possible because, at 41 weeks and 2 days, I wasn't dilated at all, and was only 50% effaced.

After that discouraging visit, all I could think about was how a friend from church had told me about her magical, baby-bringing foot massage that, so far, had brought 3 babies earth-side within 24 hours. As soon as I was home, I shot her a text asking if she was interested in a challenge. Full of sympathies, she told me she'd stop by the next day.

As my friend massaged my feet and pressure points in my ankles the next afternoon, she told me about the other times she'd done these massages. The first time, the baby's arrival had been a surprise, unintended, an accident. She was just trying to pamper the mama who ended up with a 36-week birth. It was later that she looked up the specific pressure points that are said to bring on labor. Then she told me that, on me, those areas were super tight, like knots. In that moment I pictured myself as this tightly wound ball of fear, as I decided/realized that I'd done this to myself. Still, I couldn't help but hope that it would inspire my body to get to work. But the next morning came, same as every one before it, with baby girl still cozy inside.

(Part ii)

she's here!

I disappeared again. I figured anyone who reads my blog would've already seen the announcement on Facebook, or the major overgramming of the sweetest little face on instagram, so blogging fell off the list of priorities. But, just for the sake of sharing more pictures, I figured it was about time.

After what felt like forever, the newest bossling finally graced us with her presence. Most of week 41 was spent trying to coax her out, and after nearly the whole week, she came. Stubborn lass. 

With a due date of September 18, I never considered she'd have anything but a September birthday. Guess she had a different plan, because she waited until the very last minute in order to have an October birthday like her big sister

I haven't written out her birth story yet, I usual at least journal that within the first 48 hours, but for some reason I just haven't gotten to it yet. Once I've hashed it out on paper, I'll be back to share that. Until then posting will likely be non-existent, I hope you'll be patient with me as I slack off due to important snuggling. ;)

41 weeks

This is only the 3rd time I've made it to week 41. Half of my babies were more eager to arrive, perhaps? And the other half just like(d) being so close and cozy, I guess. Silly babies. 

When I woke up yesterday morning, still pregnant, my first thought - I kid you not - was "what can I even wear that I haven't already worn?" (You know, because I don't want to have outfit repeats in my weekly photos. Ha ha.) 

I feel almost nervous to say that this was my last weekly photo shoot. Like, to say so would only ensure that she stays put for the whole of next week. As apprehensive and anxious as I am about giving birth, I'd really prefer she came before that.

Come out, cone out, little lady! Everyone's dying to meet you! 

baby party

Alternate title: "the time I said yes when I wanted to say no"

Some of the decor:
tiny "little sister" jammies,
homemade paper circle garland,
ribbon tassel garland,
mini white pumpkins,
and balloons.

After my baby shower a couple of weeks ago, my sweet bossling2 was inspired. All that night she told me how, when she got older, she wanted to throw showers for people. Then, her eyes lit up and she asked if she could host another shower for me. One that she could also invite her own friends to, of course. My first thought was to say no. I'd just had a shower, and I didn't want to seem ungrateful by turning around and basically hosting a shower for myself (with my daughter's input, of course, but still.) But she was so excited by the idea, I figured it wouldn't hurt to discuss it a bit further.

First, I pulled up the calendar on my phone. I told her the first thing we'd have to do is pick a day. I figured one week would be too short of notice, while two weeks would mean the party happened the day before my due date. I thought it was a bit risky and ambitious - we'd have to cancel if baby came early, but I told her that day was probably the best choice.

From there I started asking her what kinds of snacks and decorations she'd want to have at the shower. She listed off a few ideas, and then we talked about games. I told her about some traditional baby shower games that we might be able to do and we talked about what we could do for prizes. The ideas were simple enough, and her excitement was pretty contagious, even though I was still feeling really self-conscious about the whole idea, I decided to go forward with it.

I created an event on Facebook with a description explaining that this party was E's idea, and was all about her and that she is finally getting a sister. I considered things that we already had on hand to use for decorations, and then picked up a few extras - important things like balloons, and unimportant impulse buys because I wanted to make it extra special for my girl.

As we got closer to the day of the party I started to stress a bit. I was feeling extra worn out, and overwhelmed by why needed to get done. Specifically getting the house ready for guests, but there was also shopping and food prep that I needed to accomplish. When it was all said and done, though, we managed to pull it off. Mr. Boss helped out with the cleaning, and my last-minute-panic abilities set in, which helped me accomplish what I'd wanted.

I was trying to get the food all put together and set up when our first guest arrived. She was super awesome and helped me out with those final preparations, which I really appreciated. Especially because it gave me the opportunity to run and rinse the specks of day old mascara from my cheeks that I'd never gotten around to. Oops. Ha ha.

I frequently have this desire to host gatherings, but every time I actually do it I find myself feeling frazzled and don't really get a chance to enjoy myself. This time was different. I was still running around a bit, but also had the opportunity to sit down and chat and enjoy myself. E got to have some of her friends there, which made it so special for her. Plus, a friend of ours brought her 3 week old baby to the party and all the bosslings got to gush over that sweet, tiny boy.

It was probably the craziest idea, but we pulled it off and had a lot of fun.

The food - my favorite part.
Fruits, veggies, caprese bites, pink fluff, better-than-anything cake, and my favorite frozen pizza,
plus some pink lemonade - because it was pink!

One of our party games - the memory game.
The other game was guessing the size of my bump.
Imagine the surprise and amazement of all when the string of one of the youngest party-goers
was the exact length to touch perfectly end-to-end around my belly!

Gushing over our friend's tiny boy and getting all the more excited for our baby to arrive!

39 & 40 weeks

Another 2-in-1, since I didn't get it done last week. I just want to talk for a moment about where we took these photos. (I mean, look at that beautiful red rock! *scroll down*)

We were on a Sunday drive, on 89-A through Oak Creek Canyon between Flagstaff and Sedona (it's a seriously gorgeous drive). We kept looking for somewhere to pull over, and were getting a lot further than we'd planned, but finally I spotted it. Encinoso Picnic Site. The green, the red rocks, it was so beautiful.

It kind of became a goal as I got into taking these weekly photos to also show some of the natural beauty of where we've been living. Because usually, when people think about Arizona, they think of extreme heat, huge cactus, scorpion-filled desert. But there is so much more to this state. Maybe I haven't done the best job at showing it, but I hope I've shared  bit more of what this state has to offer.

So, the due date has come and gone. S was 4 days early, C was born on his due date, N was born in the early morning of the second day past his date. Z was 10 days late, and E was 16 days past her date. Who knows how long this little lady will wait. My hope was to make it, at the very least, to the official first day of autumn. We're so close!

I'm still feeling pretty good, for the most part. Except, we took the kids to get shoes recently, and I was squatting to feel where their toes were in the shoes they tried. I've been sore ever since. It started out as the upper thigh, then moved to the inner thighs and hips.

I'm still sleeping well, haven't been waking up as early as I had been - which is bitter-sweet. I loved my quiet mornings, but I'm also loving the sleep. It's just rough when is time to get up, because my soreness makes me so stiff first thing in the morning. I zombie-stumble from bed to the bathroom and through the first part of my morning. It's uncomfortable, but also kind of hilarious. I'm sure I look ridiculous. Ha ha.

I finally got around to pulling out and washing some baby laundry, so little lady won't be naked. I just packed my bag to take to the birth center last night. It had been a work in progress for most of the last week, but it wasn't until last night that I managed to finish it. 

I still feel like there's more I need to get done, so I find myself hoping for some last-minute panic/burst of nesting energy to help me get the last little things done. At the same time, I'm feeling like we're as ready as we'll ever be. All the big stuff is done. The house is mostly tidy  (that's a mix of tidy and lived-in), I've installed the car seat, my bag is packed. I think the biggest thing left to do is a shopping trip to fill our fridge and cupboards, and I'm planning to do that today, after my midwife visit. 

It kind of feels surprising, to realize were basically ready for this little lady's arrival. It felt so daunting to prepare, and it always felt so far away. But here we are, at the point where she could come literally any day. It's surreal. And the truth is, despite all my attempts to work through my fears, I'm feeling terrified. I guess I've still got some work to do, after all. 

38 weeks

I had an appointment today, but things were a little different because, when I got there, there was a birth in progress. To offer that mama privacy, I was taken upstairs for my visit. The little boys got to enjoy a new set of toys while we waited for the midwife I'd be seeing to come up.

Aside from being a different experience, it mostly had me thinking about how that will be me very, very soon.

I remember posting a 38 week photo with bossling5 on instagram, at that time I was feeling extremely nervous about the big day that was quickly approaching. Two weeks later I had my baby in my arms. Two weeks is not a long time.

It's coming fast and I feel so unprepared. I bought some baby laundry detergent today. I installed the car seat a couple of days ago. The house is a wreck, which I'd like to remedy before the big day, and I have to get my bag packed for the birth center, which is a little intimidating. (I mean, it's been nearly 8 years since I last packed a bag in preparation for a birth.) I'm trying to stay calm, to do what I can and hope it's enough. But I'm really hoping this little lady decides to cook a little longer.