some goodness

Zeke is an angel. When he hears me speak, he quickly turns towards me and pays full attention to me. Whenever he catches sight of me he grins the biggest grin, and his whole body shakes. I have never been a very self-confident person, but it is hard to feel anything but amazing when you've got someone looking at you like you are the world. That, I think, is my favorite part of motherhood.

We went to the library today, after Mr. Boss arrived home from work. He insisted that we go, so we went. I didn't really want to go, because we always borrow a stack of DVD's, and I feel like we watch too much TV. So, when we got there, I avoided the sections for movies. Instead I found a couple of cute books for the kids, and a couple of CD's for myself, one of hymns, the other...opera. (It reminds me of my dad, and I miss him. I wish California were closer.)

I began dinner preparations shortly after we got home (and, by "shortly after" I mean "after Zeke had a quick snack.") But, before I set to chopping up my veggies, I pulled out my CD player and stuck that opera CD in. Mr. Boss rolled his eyes when he heard the music begin. Gosh, at least I didn't play it as loudly as my dad would have, or as loudly as Mr. Boss plays his music. Anyway, I think he secretly liked it.

And, speaking of CD's, I've been thinking for a while that it is time I go through my own collection and get rid of most of them. It has been a hard decision to come too, especially because I really love a lot of the CD's I'm planning to get rid of. But, the truth of the matter is: I hardly ever listen to them, anyway. And I don't like the idea of the kids listening to them, either.
I've also been thinking I need to go through my book shelf again, even though I recently got rid of a bunch of books. I just keep thinking that there are still books on that shelf that don't need to be there.
I think there is something magical about this whole de-cluttering thing. I throw a few things out and it just makes me want to throw out more. The thought of having clean, empty space is so thrilling to me. I never thought I would say that. But there is really something so satisfying about getting rid of things you don't really need, and the empty spaces that are created as more things are taken away.

Shelf: de-clutter

I said I wanted to simplify and de-clutter my home. It is a big job and, when I think about it, I feel overwhelmed. There is just so much that I need to go through. Even so, I've managed to tackle a little bit, here and there. I even tackled a specific project: my bookshelf.
When we moved in last year, my big project was unpacking. (That giant mess should have been the motivation to do-junk, but it wasn't.) My first big, unpacking project was my bookshelf. Each shelf was full of books, ones I've read, others I haven't. Books I've loved for years and others that were newer to me. This is how the shelf looked then:

What a mess!

At the time, the sight of my shelf brought a smile to my face. The sight of all my books made me happy. Since then, a few things have changed.
It wasn't long before I learned that having all my books on the bottom shelves was a bad idea, what with my little ones running around. They just didn't understand that it's not OK to pull mommy's books of the shelf and rip them to shreds. So, I re-arranged.
I found a way to get most of my books loaded into the top three shelves, and tightly stuffed my larger books (yearbooks, the kid's memory books, etc.) on to the very bottom shelf. I filled the empty shelf with the kids books. It was within their reach, and I figured they would be less likely to go for my books if theirs were more readily available.
It worked for a while. Then something changed. I guess they got bored with their books, because they started to go for mine again. Yearbook pages were ripped, and I had to do something.
I have some shelves in my bedroom, but they were filled with, well, junk. I cleared them off and moved the books I'd had on the bottom shelf into my room. Now there were two empty shelves in the living room. At this point I was only allowing so many toys out at a time. I filled a couple of bins with toys, and they already had a couple with their books. Finally, I thought, this is taken care of. But, nope.
All of the books on my shelf started to look busy to me. I didn't find any pleasure in the stacks of books, I started to talk myself into going through my shelf, and getting rid of the books that I didn't want anymore. It still took another while before I actually focused on the shelf and got it done, but I eventually got to it. Here's my finished product:

The very top of the shelf has been cleared, aside from my pretty decorations. I went through my books a few times, on different days. Each time I went back I decided to pull another book or two from my collection. Each time I scanned my shelf I would ask myself things like:
Did I enjoy reading this book?
Will I read it again?
What feelings did I have when I read it?
Would I want my children to, one day, read this book?
Does this book on my shelf reflect the kind of person I want to be?
Is this book uplifting and/or wholesome?
There were a few books that never made it past the first question. Most of the rest that went were books that I had enjoyed when I read them, but I wouldn't read them again. Some of the books had what could be considered some pretty inappropriate content. Others I had bought on a whim, just to have something to read, the ones that seemed to me to be a waste of money--gone.

The bottom two shelves are still for the kids use, but I've scaled back what they have, too. All but a few of their toys and half of their books are put away now. I couldn't handle them messes they made, and they don't really need all their toys out at once, anyway.

As of now, I feel pretty good about the books that are left and the appearance of my shelf. It looks more tidy to me and the books that are there are books I really love.
(I still need to actually get rid of the books I pulled. You can see them stacked on the desk next to the shelf there. I've got a bunch of things together to donate to the DI (thrift store), now I just need to take the trip.)

at my house

Growing up I used to think I would spoil my kids. I'd give them the life I had always thought I wanted.
Toys, as much TV as they wanted, big birthday parties, a car at 16. I would let them stay up as late as they wanted, eat ice cream for breakfast, and I wouldn't bother them about getting to school on time (or at all), whether their homework was done, or if they were ever going to get their room clean.
Then, of course, I grew up. I began to be thankful that my parents hadn't done those things for me. The "ideal life" I had dreamed of as a child began to seem more like a nightmare.
As I grew my eyes began to be opened to how life really works. If I gave my children that life they were sure to end up being bratty, ungrateful, dumb, unhealthy, unclean, irresponsible and so on. To raise children like that would be doing them a great disservice.
Even as I came to realize these things I still had some weird ideas about how I would raise my kids. My young self had visions of being the "cool" mom and the "friend" mom.
My parenting ideas didn't really mature until I began having children and the new ideas didn't all come the moment I first held my brand new baby. Many of my parenting ideas came with time and experience (which I still don't have much of, since I've only been a mom for less than 3 years.)

After Conrad was born, and as he grew and became able to hold and play with toys I thought he needed a whole bunch. By the time Ellie was born my opinions about toys were changing. I began to realize that I would go crazy if our home became cluttered with all manner of toys and gadgets.
Now, I'm all for the kids having a few toys to play with. They both love cars, and Ellie loves her babies. At the same time, I am still the main mess cleaner I'd rather not put up with the mess of a million toys. (Side note: the kids are required to help with what they can, since they're able.) So, toys are kept to a minimum. Even so, I've been feeling like they still have too many.
A few months ago Mr. Boss and I went through all of the kids toys, and we got rid of quite a few. But, as I've been feeling overwhelmed with their volume (which, compared to most kids we know, is minimal.) I have been considering going through their toys again, in attempt to weed out a few more.
Along with trying to keep the number of toys low, I also try to keep noisy, battery operated toys out of the mix. Honestly, there are very few noise making toys that I am willing to put up with (for example, Conrad's fire engine, which lights up and has a siren noise.) But, for the most part, I find noise-making toys to be endlessly annoying. That's not to say that some haven't weaseled their way into our home, but they are generally hidden away shortly after their arrival, before they drive me to the point of jamming my knitting needles into my ears.
Some people might be able to tolerate these things, but I absolutely cannot and will not, nor will I try to.
Besides, kids prefer simplicity. Hello? Greatest toy ever invented has been, and always will be, the captivating empty box. You know I speak the truth.
In our home toys will be few. That is that.

At the time Conrad was born I watched a lot of TV. Most of our days were spent in the living room, on the couch. Things hadn't really changed in that area when Ellie arrived. I may have begun to realize my desire to keep toys to a minimum, but I wasn't really considering another important thing. My TV was still on most of the day, and I failed to see a big problem with that.
At the apartment where we used to live, basic cable was included in our rent. I took advantage of this, by watching way too much TV, and thereby exposing Conrad to things that he shouldn't have been exposed to. (I'm just hoping, due to his young age, that he doesn't remember any of the filth he saw.)
When we moved to this house things changed. There was no longer cable (or dish, or anything) included in our rent, and we didn't really have a desire to find room in our budget for them either. Instead we hooked up our television to our DVD/VCR, making it so it was only useful for watching movies. I used to think that having the TV on all the time was OK, but in its absence I've learned that I not only enjoy, I also prefer the silence.
There have been times that I have "missed" the "easy entertainment" that television offers, but mostly I'm glad to go without.
I'm thrilled that my family isn't being bombarded with ads for products that we really don't need.
I'm over-joyed that my kids don't know about all of the
creepykids shows that television offers it's preschool viewers.
But, as I said before, we do have our TV hooked up to a DVD/VCR player. This mean we're watching movies. Some days it feels like there has been something on all day (and I really hate those days.) Still, the TV is usually off.
We also "screen" the movies we let the kids watch. We go with classics we remember loving as children (Land Before Time--original only, Lady & the Tramp, etc.), most of the Disney-Pixar shows (Wall-e, Nemo, etc.), a few Winnie the Pooh videos and, of course, the annoying, but loved, Baby Signing Time DVDs.
We try to keep it simple and enjoyable for the kids, as well as trying to limit their exposure to unwanted behaviors displayed by some of the characters in some of these movies.
Along with only allowing certain films, we have also chosen to ban others. The main genre of movies we are not allowing are the Disney Princess movies. Don't get me wrong, Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid were some of my favorites as a child. The reason we've chosen not to allow them is simply that we don't want our little girls to think it's OK to be demanding/helpless princesses. Not to mention the plethora of Princess paraphernalia that line shelves at the stores.
Extreme marketing and product over-load aside, I don't really feel like these princesses set a very good example for the young girls at which they are aimed. With their hyper/"hidden" sexuality and the whole helpless-damsel-in-distress, waiting for Prince Charming to whisk her away to a false "happily ever after"...it's just not what I want for my girls to see as OK. I would rather my girls look to strong, independent, realistic women than to have them idolizing and fantasizing about a fairy tale.
(And, while we're on the subject of Disney and little girls, can I just say (why, yes, I can!) I really can't stand anything that Disney is marketing to young girls. I'm talking about all that Hannah Montana garbage.
What? Somebody had to say it.)

My current thoughts and views about raising my kids, and the sorts of things I do and don't want them exposed to, have changed so much over the past couple of years.
I never thought I would prefer having no TV over a sweet cable/dish package and channels filled with mind numbing shows.
I never thought I would make a big deal about how many toys my kids had, and especially not to the point of requesting (when asked) clothes or books over toys for birthdays and holidays.
I never thought I'd like to keep our holiday celebrations simple, and gifts to a minimum.
Life, and what experience I've gained, have taught me that simplicity is what is best for me and my family.

three pictures Thursday

So, it's "three picture Thursday" again. I told myself yesterday that I needed to make this post first thing in the morning, but wouldn't you know, this is the first free moment I've had all day. I guess that's just how it goes sometimes.
Anyway, here are my three pictures. If you play along, be a friend and link back in my comments.

I vacuumed. (Gold star for me.)

Abandoned.

"Phone?"

love, love, love

Usually I wait until the day after Thanksgiving to put up my tree, but there was something in the air yesterday. I couldn't help it. I had energy, I had time, why not?
But, before I show you my tree, I have to show these lovely personalized ornaments. (From Cori's and my first Christmas, to family ornaments, and the kids' first Christmases. Fun fact: I ordered this years ornament back in July. Yeah, I've been ready for Christmas for a while.) I don't like to put them on the tree, though, because you can't really see them. Instead I hung them up over the fireplace and, while this picture doesn't quite do it justice, my mantle looks awesome.

Then there's the tree. A 6' pre-lit beauty. This is the 4th Christmas that I'll have her for. Now, before anybody gives me trouble for using a fake, I'm going to explain why I do it.
1. I married a Scrooge who hates all holidays, especially Christmas. This means I'm not getting any help from him and that means I need to do what is easiest and most inexpensive. If I use the same tree and ornaments every year, Scrooge has one less reason to freak out at me.
2. Until Scrooge quits being a turd I will be on my own in the tree and decorating departments. If, by some miracle, my Grinch's heart grows 3 sizes and he decides he wants to celebrate, and with a real tree, we'll do it.
'Til then: leave pregnant lady alone.

above: tree with garland, before balls.
below: tree after balls.

above: tree and mantle
below: lovely tree. (Love that it looks the same as last year. Love how it looks!)

And a quick shot from outside. I'm so excited to have my tree up!

Now I need some stockings and stocking holders for the mantle. But first, I need to make some chocolatey, puddingy pies for tomorrow!

autumn thoughts

The house is quiet. Everyone is sleeping, except for me. I am curled up in my favorite chair (the one right next to the book shelf) with a cardigan on and a cozy blanket draped over me. It is chilly in this house tonight. Autumn has arrived on schedule.

Have you noticed the trees in the mountains, how their leaves are changing colors? This is one of my most favorite times of the year. The beautiful reds, oranges and golds that can be seen on the mountains that stand majestically over the valley, they are my favorite sight. It is times like these when I feel most grateful to live in this place.

As I ran some late afternoon errands yesterday I noticed a chill in the air. Most of the leaves I see still hold their vibrant green, but their time is quickly coming to an end. The chill was so comfortable. It was still warm enough to feel good without a jacket, but a noticeable difference from the harsh heat of the summer.

Autumn is one of my favorite seasons (the other spot goes to the vibrant, softly beautiful springtime.) I love the colors and the smells. I love pulling out my cardigans and cuddling under a soft blanket on the couch. I love crunching the dried leaves that fall to the ground, it makes me feel like a kid again.
I'm looking forward to enjoying my favorite parts about the season with my little ones. I can imagine the grin that will fill Conrad's face as he crunches the leaves with me right outside our door. Ellie will love crushing the leaves between her fingers, and she'll probably try to eat some, too.

It's hard to believe that we are so near to the end of this year. It has been a busy year, and in quiet moments I sit and reflect on the joys and the sorrows. Autumn is the perfect time to reflect on the year that will soon be over.
As I sit here in my comfy chair, in my quiet house, my heart is full. The air outside is crisp, making my house all the more inviting.
This quiet, peaceful feeling? It means home.

beautiful Sunday

Sunday was such a lovely day. I woke up for the first time in my new house, having had a very restful and quiet night. I got out of bed and began getting ready for church. I felt sad because it was my last day in that ward, and I'd loved it so very much. We (the kids and me) left the house at about 20 to 9. It was the earliest I'd ever gotten out the door since church had moved to 9 am. We made a quick stop at the apartment so I could pick up my Sunday papers, (because I hadn't had the address changed over yet.)
I sat in nursery with Conrad and Ellie for the first two hours. I had hoped I could have made it to my own class, but it was not to be. Nursery was fun, though. I talked with another mom whose daughter is not much older than Ellie, but already walking. She lives in the apartments I just moved out of, so we had fun sharing horror stories about the crappy management and maintenance.
Sacrament meeting was enlightening. Does that happen very often? When you feel all warm and tingly during the meeting. There was a woman who got up after the first two speakers. She sang I know that my Redeemer lives. Her voice wasn't necessarily perfect, but she was much better than I. (As I am not good at all.) It was beautiful. As she sang I listened to the words and felt light and tingly all over.
When she got to the line "He lives! To silence all my fears," she began to falter, and found it difficult to sing "He lives! To wipe away my tears." At that point I became emotional as well. I was already touched by the music, but those lines hit me, as did the next ones, "He lives! To calm my troubled heart," I spent the rest of the number trying to compose myself, I was overwhelmed by the Spirit.
I know He lives.

After church I stuck around for a moment to talk to some friends, and then we returned to our new home.
Our house.
While Conrad napped Mr. Boss and I took Ellie outside. I set her in the middle of our yard, she looked so tiny. Our yard isn't huge, but it's a good size, and seeing our little girl hanging out, all tiny in the grass was such a happy moment for us. We are so blessed.

Loving daddy, Mr. Boss sharing kisses with his baby girl.

Tiny lady on the well kept lawn

Mr. Boss helps his little girl to stand and walk.