free write.

I opened a word document, closed my eyes, and started typing. Hoping that I would come up with something to post for today. This is a small part of what I wrote. I've edited it to remove spelling errors and to fix sentence structure...

"Today I wore red lipstick to a birthday party. To a 5-year-old's birthday party. As we pulled up to the house I felt out of place. I felt over-dressed and over-done. But nobody mentioned it, or treated me differently. Still, I was feeling pretty self-conscious about it.

There was a girl (a young, but grown woman) at the party with pink hair. I couldn't help but admire the shocking color on her head. Sometimes I wish I were brave enough to dye my hair funky colors. (I was really excited when that same girl complimented me on my outfit.)

I've been thinking lately, that I want to cut my hair off and dye it a bunch of different colors, kind of like how my hair was when E was a baby. Except that I don't want my hair short until I've lost some weight. And losing weight isn't super important to me right now. I mean, I would love to be a bit slimmer. It would be amazing to fit into some size 6 pants again, but I'd settle for a size 8. I just don't really have a desire or the motivation to do anything about my weight right now. At this point in my life, my main focus is on being a mother. So I let certain things slide, like wanting to chop my hair off and dye it all sorts of colors, and losing the weight to get a to a point where I'd feel comfortable with having short hair again.

Right now I don't mind being soft, fluffy, whatever. Because I am a comfortable place for my babies. They can cuddle me and use me as a pillow. I am comfortable to them and I am comforting to them.

My main focus right now is to be mother. I feel like it is the most important thing that I can be doing t right now. Most everything else has fallen by the wayside. And I'm okay with that."

photo challenge day 16: