02 March 2012

things i don't do.

Inspired by this post, and the comments that followed, I am going to confess to some of the things that I don't do.-I don't shower every day. (Or even every other day.)
-I don't clean my bathroom as frequently as I probably should.
-I don't really play with my kids. That's what siblings are for, right?
-I don't sweep my kitchen floor every day, or even every week. (Only when it gets to a certain point...but that "point" changes every time. And I mop even less.)
-I don't keep toys in my children's room. (In fact, their toys have been in their closet for about 3 weeks, and just came out today for a play date. We'll see how long they last out.)
-I don't get dressed everyday. (Although I am trying to work on this one. But, lets be honest, when it's cold out, there is nothing better than a cozy pair of sweats.)
-I don't bathe my children everyday. Once a week (and sometimes we go two...) Because I just don't have the time/energy/patience for it. Obviously, there are times when they HAVE to have a bath, but as much as I can help it, their baths are infrequent.
-I don't like to cook, and I have been known to feed my children pb&j for lunch and dinner on the same day.
-I don't take diapers out as frequently as I should, instead they sit in a stinky pile by the front or back door for a day or two, until
Boss gets sick of them and does it himselfI decide to suck it up and brave going outside.
-I don't take the kids out much during the winter. We don't play in the snow. We mostly leave the house to go to other places where we are indoors, like church or the store.
-I don't buy organic anything. I used to buy organic milk, but we stopped, because it is too much money.
-I don't cloth diaper (although I've wanted to in the past.)
-I don't, for the most part, do snacks. Too much time in the kitchen makes me a little crazy.
-I don't do crafts with the children. Sometimes I want to, until I think about the potential mess, and then I just give up on that idea.
-I don't let them help me in the kitchen/when I'm cooking either. This is something that I want to do, eventually, but right now I just don't.
-I don't read to the children everyday. I know it's something I should do, but we don't. Unless you count our for-the-most-part-daily before-bed scripture reading.
-I don't let the children play on the computer. Ever. 4-year-olds and 3-year-olds do not need computer or internet time, in my opinion. Not sure if/when (when) this will change. But probably not in the next year or two (or, most likely, three.)
-I don't like laundry. I do a horrible job of keeping on top of it. We frequently go
monthsweeks where we have baskets of laundry sitting in the living room, begging to be folded and put away. If I got rid of some of our infrequently used clothing, I know it would help, but I don't do that either.
-I don't go to bed as early as I should, even though I'm usually tired. (This is one I am working to change, though.
She says as she types up a post at 11pm.)
-I don't make breakfast or lunch for Mr. Boss. He gets up too early for me, and I hate touching lunch meat. Ugh. (I'm so weird.)
-I don't clean the car unless Mr. Boss makes me. And even then...
-I don't vacuum every day, or even once a week (sometimes), even though I actually find vacuuming enjoyable.
-I don't wipe our table after every meal, even though it usually needs it.
-I don't enforce a "quiet time". I would love for the other two to do something quiet and give me a chance to do my own thing for a bit while Z naps, but I haven't figured out anything that works for us, so we just don't.And here are some things I/we DO:
-We do have the kids (C & E) share a bed. Actually, they were complaining, so now C is on the mattress and E is on some blankets on the floor right next to him.
-I do dishes just about everyday, sometimes (like today) twice a day. (And, on some unfortunate days, I have done dishes 3-4 times.) (And on some days they don't get done at all...)
-I do try to limit screen time (you know, the boob tube.) It's pretty easy, because we don't have cable or netflix or any channels at all, and I'm pretty tired of 98% of our children's shows/movies. Some days are better than others. (Like today, they were totally screen free.)
-I do practice memorization with the children. We don't practice everyday, but we do pretty well. For the month of March we are working on the 4th Article of Faith. (December was the 1st, January the 2nd, and February was the 3rd. And they know them. And so do I. It makes me happy.)
-I do try to keep our home calm and quiet by playing soft music. It's not something I do everyday, but I'm trying to, because it makes such a big difference.
-I do dance with the children, from time to time. Especially Mr. Z, because I can't resist when he runs up to me, right after I start a CD, pleading: "Mama! Dass?"
-I do encourage Z to say words like "poop" and "booger". I'll probably regret it later, but right now it is too cute. Especially when he says "boogiie".
-I do yell.
Much more than I'd like. I would love to change this to a "don't"
-I do make my bed every morning. At least, I have been for the past month or so.
-I do develop sentimental attachments to things, which makes it really hard to throw things out/makes the clutter build up a bit too quickly.
-I do keep the soap dispensers full.
-I do make sure the bills are paid on time.
-I do give lots of kisses and hugs and cuddles.
-I do love my family, and I do my best to ensure they know that I love and care for them.Daily life is about figuring out what is most important, weighing it with the things that you think have to be done, and finding balance with it all. I think, as women, we tend to want to do everything. We see perfection all over the internet, and we want that perfection in our own lives. Perfectly groomed children. Perfect clothes, perfect hair, and fit bodies. Beautiful homes with seamless organization. And when we can't achieve these ideals we beat ourselves up. But we can't base our worth on such superficial things.
It is wonderful to aspire to be better than you are now, but it's not worth it to beat yourself up for falling short of your ideal, because it's very likely that the ideal you have in your head is not actually attainable. (For example, I have had 3 children, and have stretch marks. I will never be able to rock a bikini, no matter how much weight I lose. I don't actually want to rock a bikini, but I thought it was a good example.) I will probably never have a flawless system of organization, but I can try to figure out what works best for me. It might not look cute, but that's not important. I may leave the kitchen floor unswept and unmopped for days, and even weeks, at a time, but that isn't something that I find terribly important, and doing that work doesn't really make me feel awesome, so I set that job aside for a bit and put time towards things that do bring me joy.
There has to be balance, though. I do eventually have to do the things I don't like/don't want to do. I don't have to do them everyday, but they do need to be done from time to time. And I have to figure out the balance between that and the things that I would rather do. I don't do as good a job as I'd like at finding that balance, but I am trying, and it is a process.
I think that, as long as you're trying to improve yourself, you're doing just fine.

6 comments:

  1. lovely. I quit reading blogs for the most part (except yours, of course) because I was always left feeling inadequate. I think we talked about that once... Anywho, gosh, SO many of ours are they same! Like sweeping/mopping, bathing (myself or the kids) a ton, playing with them (which I sometimes feel bad about but not terribly), and many others. I'm not supermom. Not by a long shot. One of my don'ts is I don't put my kid in any activities/classes. I have one friend who can't accept the fact that I won't put my kid in preschool/gymnastics/swimming/summer camp/softball/soccer/dance, etc. (All of those are things she's tried to get me to do.) I think free play is where it's at. Long comment-sorry!

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  2. Oh, absolutely! Who has time to shuttle a bunch of kids to 50 million activities every. single. day. NOT ME!

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  3. I loved reading this post! It made me feel normal. haha. I love you and your mom-ness. You are SUCH a wonderful Mommy and it shines through your kids!!

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  4. This post was just perfect! In fact, I was thinking about writing one pretty similar to it due to an experience I had a few weeks ago. My brother in law brought his fiancee over to meet our family. I decided to make a nice dinner (something I'm not fond of or good at since I don't enjoy cooking). Not only did the woman criticize my instant mashed potatoes ("I really prefer potatoes from scratch",) she also found little things wrong with the state of our home, the sleeping arrangements for our boys, and my overall appearance. I was pretty upset considering she doesn't have kids, so she has no idea what it's like to be a mother day in and day out. We all have our own ways of doing things, our own beliefs and priorities. We also all have flaws and things we'd like to improve. We're all works in progress, but as long as everyone's happy and healthy, nothing else really matters, right?

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  5. Jeanette9/3/12 20:10

    Fabulous post! Taking time out to do things like "Dass" with Z are what make great memories. Sweeping and mopping. . .not so much.

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You are awesome! ♥