doing my homework

Just working on my assignment for Travelin' Oma's School Days seminar. (Day 1 of week 10.)

Your best friend just called and said, through her tears, "I know you've had experience with ________. What did you do?" What would she be calling you about? Answer her question in a note.

I don't have a best friend, and I don't really think, at 22 1/2, that anyone would call me in tears to ask my advice about something, because I don't think I've experienced much yet.
These were my thoughts this morning, but I finally decided that, if someone were to call me like the above scenario, it is likely that the advice they would be seeking would have something to do with pregnancy or birth. I do not consider myself an expert, I have only had two babies so far (although the number will change soon enough.) But I had my babies before many of my high school friends have started their families, and I'd like to think that someone might find my experiences useful.

My friend (we'll call her Clara) called me in tears. The newness and initial excitement of learning she was pregnant had worn off leaving her nervous and scared for the unknown or, rather, the overly known. Too many women are in the habit of sharing dreadful and frightening birth stories with women who they learn are newly pregnant. It is a horrible tradition that replaces excitement with fear, and occasionally some regret. That was the case with Clara.

"You've had experience in this department," she sobbed. "What did you do? Were you scared when you found out you were pregnant? You always seemed to be so together, like you knew what to expect--even with your first. How did you do it?"

Sadly, I was unable to talk with her, as my rascals were tearing the house to pieces. And I figured it'd be easier to say what I wanted to say if I wrote it down. As soon as I put the kids down to nap I got started.

Dear Clara,
There are so many reasons why you can still be excited about your pregnancy. You are growing a life, a new person, inside of you. Your body is doing amazing things to protect and sustain this life. You'll get to hear heartbeats and feel movements from within. It is incredible!
I am sorry if someone out there told you their horrific birth story. But not every birth is the same. You'll likely only hear about the awful ones, because they make better stories.
-My best advice in that arena is to avoid those stories like the plague, or swine flu. If someone tries to tell you a new one ask them not to, and if they don't listen walk away. Their experience will not be yours.
-Take a birthing class. We didn't take one with Conrad, and ended up not knowing what to expect. I had ideas of how I wanted things to be. It was to be quick, done naturally, easy. This was not the case, and I blame it largely on the fact that we hadn't prepared ourselves. We did take a class before Ellie was born. Even though we had been through the song and dance before I felt we'd do much better with some more knowledge. (And sure enough, it paid off in the form of a much quicker, completely natural--read: unmedicated--birth.) There are a few different classes offered these days, you can pick from Lamaze, the Bradley method or HypnoBirthing. Personally, having tried it, I highly recommend HypnoBirthing. The literature is inspiring and eye-opening, and the only birth stories you see or hear are about calm and peaceful births (doesn't sound a thing like what you normally hear, does it?)
-Be educated, but don't overdo it. You don't need to read every single pregnancy or parenting book or magazine. Find a few that share your hopes and ideas for how you want things to be, and stick with that.
-Make sure your OB or midwife is on board with what you want out of pregnancy, and especially the birth. If something your care provider says doesn't sit right with you, don't be afraid to find someone new who will be more accommodating.
-Be happy. Through sickness and overwhelming tiredness, aching joints and growing belly, you are carrying a life inside of you. A precious spirit, a gift from God. If you want it and will it to be good, pregnancy (and birth) can and will be good.
Hope this helps,
Crissy