Nedra and Gina had returned, we sat around, chatting for a bit, and kept track of how frequently my contractions were coming. I had to let them know when they started and stopped, because I was so quiet that they couldn't tell. After a few spread out contractions, they decided we'd try something else. Back in my bedroom, Nedra checked to see if I'd made any progress throughout the day. But I was still holding at 3cm. I was really upset about that, but she said not to worry about it. She said that my cervix was nice and stretchy, and that she could manually dilate me. Gina poured some olive oil on my belly and began rubbing in clockwise circles, to bring on contractions, and when they would come, Nedra would stretch my cervix open. Within a fairly short period of time, using this method, she took me from that depressing 3cm to 7cm! I was amazed. Once she had me at 7, she broke my water. Finally, there was the full on gush.
While we were in my room, Boss was busy putting the children to bed and getting the pool, which I had finished inflating during the day, filled for me, even though I wasn't allowed to get in yet. I stood and walked around, I sat and I spent time in the bathroom, forever waiting for contractions to really kick in. Boss, exhausted from so little sleep, left us to take a nap.
Near 11 pm I was given the go ahead to get into the pool. The water felt nice, but I couldn't seem to find a comfortable position. Finally I rested my head on one edge and let myself drift into a half-sleep. I had only two or three contractions during my short time in the pool. Nedra eventually informed me that we were going to have to take some more drastic measures to get this baby out. We had already passed the 24 hour mark since my water had started leaking, so it was time. She checked me quickly before I got out of the pool, and I hadn't budged from the 7cm that she had gotten me to earlier, and baby's head was still pretty high. But she mentioned, again, how stretchy my cervix was, and that she had a plan to finish this whole party fairly quickly. Her plan, she said, would be extremely difficult, and it would hurt a lot, but she felt like it was the best option for me. But first, she wanted me to try to stimulate some really good contractions, to help bring baby down a bit.
Once again, I was in the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet and began to push on my belly, trying to copy the motion Gina had used on me to inspire contractions while I was manually dilated. I stopped when one came on and would breathe through it, and then would immediately resume pressing on my belly once it passed. When sitting on the toilet became uncomfortable, I stood and continued pressing on my belly, stopping only when a contraction came on. By the time I emerged from the bathroom, my contractions were coming more frequently, and on their own.
I went back into the living room where I had several more good, strong, hard contractions. Nedra cheered me on. Once they passed, she tried to explain her plan. All I could think of was how delightful an epidural sounded, and I told her so. But I also knew that going to the hospital would be worse for me than staying home. (Just thinking about driving to the hospital, getting all checked in, waiting for however long to get the epidural, figuring I'd be given pitocin, and on top of it all not knowing what would we do with our children, was enough to turn me off of that idea.)
I was tired, frustrated, upset, hurting, and basically ready to quit. But I couldn't quit. We would follow Nedra's plan. First we had to wake Mr. Boss, because we needed the bed. Gina and Mr. Boss prepared the bed for birthing, a shower curtain was laid under our blanket, and chux pads covered the area where I would be laying. Once it was ready, I made my way in. Contractions were still regular and hard. At first I wanted to be leaning over pillows, because the thought of laying down seemed like torture, but Nedra explained that it would probably be a better position to help us accomplish our goal, so I turned. Then came the hard part.
Nedra's plan was to hold up my stretchy cervix during a contraction, and my job was to push past the excruciating pain that it caused. If I pushed hard enough, I would be able to get baby past my cervix and quickly delivered. But when my contraction came, I couldn't do it. The pain was unbearable. All I wanted to do was crawl away from her hand, except I couldn't move. My whole body was shaking violently, but I was paralyzed in pain, I couldn't escape. I didn't want to have to do that ever again, I didn't want to do any of it anymore.
Without removing her hand, my midwife consented to giving me a little break. I used the next few contractions to try, in my own way, to move baby down. Mr. Boss was by my side, holding my hand. He was there as I worked through those contractions. I would lean my cheek against his head as the pain intensified, and his presence made it bearable. When I asked, he would cover my chest with a blanket, to ease my shaking, and he was there to take it away when I got too hot. He was there to offer me sips of Gatorade. He was there.
Nedra was impressed and pleased with the progress I made during those few contractions, but she explained that the only way to get baby past my cervix was for her to hold it back, while I pushed with all of my might. I didn't want to, oh, I really did not want to do that again. But when I had another contraction, she started. And so did I.
The pain was horrible, Nedra and Gina were telling me that I had to do it, that I could do it. So I pushed. I pushed and I cried and I hurt and I shook. I rested my cheek on my Mr. Boss and I forced it until, suddenly, I didn't have to force it anymore. Suddenly my body took over. Finally my body took over, and from there it was all instinctual, uncontrollable.
I could feel my baby moving downward, it seemed both slow and quick, as baby got closer to emerging. They told me to slow down, but I couldn't. Nedra told me to reach down, to feel the top of my baby's head. To focus, to ease baby out slowly. But I couldn't stop, I couldn't help it. I kept going, I pushed, it hurt. I cried out in pain, but I still couldn't stop. I felt the ring of fire, and Nedra instructed me, once more, to slow down. But there was no stopping me, there was no stopping baby.
The head was out, again they told me to stop. But it was no use, because my tiny baby slipped right out. I opened my eyes as my baby was lifted up and that's when I saw it, I saw him. I didn't need Mr. Boss, with his bright, excited eyes, enthusiastically telling me (“It's a boy! Oh, thank you! It's a boy! I love you! A boy!”), because I already knew.
And then he was on my chest. I was still hurting, and here was this boy. But I was sure, sure, that we were having a girl. All I could think was that he wasn't the baby I was expecting. I felt shocked, confused, and a bit disappointed. And then I was angry with myself for not being completely over the moon that I had a brand new baby on my chest, after all of my longing and waiting.
There he was, blue, but alert, just looking at me. And then I was done for. His trusting little eyes looked at me, and I was in love. I still had a faint feeling of disappointment, but I was head over heels in love.
While we were in my room, Boss was busy putting the children to bed and getting the pool, which I had finished inflating during the day, filled for me, even though I wasn't allowed to get in yet. I stood and walked around, I sat and I spent time in the bathroom, forever waiting for contractions to really kick in. Boss, exhausted from so little sleep, left us to take a nap.
Near 11 pm I was given the go ahead to get into the pool. The water felt nice, but I couldn't seem to find a comfortable position. Finally I rested my head on one edge and let myself drift into a half-sleep. I had only two or three contractions during my short time in the pool. Nedra eventually informed me that we were going to have to take some more drastic measures to get this baby out. We had already passed the 24 hour mark since my water had started leaking, so it was time. She checked me quickly before I got out of the pool, and I hadn't budged from the 7cm that she had gotten me to earlier, and baby's head was still pretty high. But she mentioned, again, how stretchy my cervix was, and that she had a plan to finish this whole party fairly quickly. Her plan, she said, would be extremely difficult, and it would hurt a lot, but she felt like it was the best option for me. But first, she wanted me to try to stimulate some really good contractions, to help bring baby down a bit.
Once again, I was in the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet and began to push on my belly, trying to copy the motion Gina had used on me to inspire contractions while I was manually dilated. I stopped when one came on and would breathe through it, and then would immediately resume pressing on my belly once it passed. When sitting on the toilet became uncomfortable, I stood and continued pressing on my belly, stopping only when a contraction came on. By the time I emerged from the bathroom, my contractions were coming more frequently, and on their own.
I went back into the living room where I had several more good, strong, hard contractions. Nedra cheered me on. Once they passed, she tried to explain her plan. All I could think of was how delightful an epidural sounded, and I told her so. But I also knew that going to the hospital would be worse for me than staying home. (Just thinking about driving to the hospital, getting all checked in, waiting for however long to get the epidural, figuring I'd be given pitocin, and on top of it all not knowing what would we do with our children, was enough to turn me off of that idea.)
I was tired, frustrated, upset, hurting, and basically ready to quit. But I couldn't quit. We would follow Nedra's plan. First we had to wake Mr. Boss, because we needed the bed. Gina and Mr. Boss prepared the bed for birthing, a shower curtain was laid under our blanket, and chux pads covered the area where I would be laying. Once it was ready, I made my way in. Contractions were still regular and hard. At first I wanted to be leaning over pillows, because the thought of laying down seemed like torture, but Nedra explained that it would probably be a better position to help us accomplish our goal, so I turned. Then came the hard part.
Nedra's plan was to hold up my stretchy cervix during a contraction, and my job was to push past the excruciating pain that it caused. If I pushed hard enough, I would be able to get baby past my cervix and quickly delivered. But when my contraction came, I couldn't do it. The pain was unbearable. All I wanted to do was crawl away from her hand, except I couldn't move. My whole body was shaking violently, but I was paralyzed in pain, I couldn't escape. I didn't want to have to do that ever again, I didn't want to do any of it anymore.
Without removing her hand, my midwife consented to giving me a little break. I used the next few contractions to try, in my own way, to move baby down. Mr. Boss was by my side, holding my hand. He was there as I worked through those contractions. I would lean my cheek against his head as the pain intensified, and his presence made it bearable. When I asked, he would cover my chest with a blanket, to ease my shaking, and he was there to take it away when I got too hot. He was there to offer me sips of Gatorade. He was there.
Nedra was impressed and pleased with the progress I made during those few contractions, but she explained that the only way to get baby past my cervix was for her to hold it back, while I pushed with all of my might. I didn't want to, oh, I really did not want to do that again. But when I had another contraction, she started. And so did I.
The pain was horrible, Nedra and Gina were telling me that I had to do it, that I could do it. So I pushed. I pushed and I cried and I hurt and I shook. I rested my cheek on my Mr. Boss and I forced it until, suddenly, I didn't have to force it anymore. Suddenly my body took over. Finally my body took over, and from there it was all instinctual, uncontrollable.
I could feel my baby moving downward, it seemed both slow and quick, as baby got closer to emerging. They told me to slow down, but I couldn't. Nedra told me to reach down, to feel the top of my baby's head. To focus, to ease baby out slowly. But I couldn't stop, I couldn't help it. I kept going, I pushed, it hurt. I cried out in pain, but I still couldn't stop. I felt the ring of fire, and Nedra instructed me, once more, to slow down. But there was no stopping me, there was no stopping baby.
The head was out, again they told me to stop. But it was no use, because my tiny baby slipped right out. I opened my eyes as my baby was lifted up and that's when I saw it, I saw him. I didn't need Mr. Boss, with his bright, excited eyes, enthusiastically telling me (“It's a boy! Oh, thank you! It's a boy! I love you! A boy!”), because I already knew.
And then he was on my chest. I was still hurting, and here was this boy. But I was sure, sure, that we were having a girl. All I could think was that he wasn't the baby I was expecting. I felt shocked, confused, and a bit disappointed. And then I was angry with myself for not being completely over the moon that I had a brand new baby on my chest, after all of my longing and waiting.
There he was, blue, but alert, just looking at me. And then I was done for. His trusting little eyes looked at me, and I was in love. I still had a faint feeling of disappointment, but I was head over heels in love.
I lay there, against a pile of pillows, with this tiny boy on my chest. I delivered the placenta, was checked for tearing (none!) and then was given an ice pack and some ibuprofen to ease the soreness in my bottom. My little boy just blinked and looked around, and I looked at him, and finally I kissed him. And I thought about how upset C and E would be when we told them that Cupcake was not the sister they thought he was, but that he was actually a brother.
Nedra and Gina busily attended to the emptying of the barely used pool, and got everything cleaned up, while I got to know my newest boy. I watched my blue baby wiggle and squirm and turn pink. I held him to my chest and let him nurse for the first time. After a bit, Nedra and Gina came back. Gina placed a clamp on the cord and I cut it, after which it was time for the newborn exam.
Tiny boy had a big head, and a narrow body (which explained his quick exit). His reflexes were great. Then came the weight check. Finally able to get a really good look at him, I guessed he was somewhere in the 7lb range. Sure enough, my little guy weighed in at 7lbs 10oz. A mere 1oz off from being exactly 2lbs smaller than Z was.
Nedra and Gina busily attended to the emptying of the barely used pool, and got everything cleaned up, while I got to know my newest boy. I watched my blue baby wiggle and squirm and turn pink. I held him to my chest and let him nurse for the first time. After a bit, Nedra and Gina came back. Gina placed a clamp on the cord and I cut it, after which it was time for the newborn exam.
Tiny boy had a big head, and a narrow body (which explained his quick exit). His reflexes were great. Then came the weight check. Finally able to get a really good look at him, I guessed he was somewhere in the 7lb range. Sure enough, my little guy weighed in at 7lbs 10oz. A mere 1oz off from being exactly 2lbs smaller than Z was.
 |
| baby boy, during his newborn exam |
Mr. Boss was able, then, to hold his new son. I was instructed to use the bathroom. Once I'd finished I made my way to the couch. My stomach felt dizzy as I walked, but was fine once I was sitting. Boss set our tiny boy in my arms, and then he went to wake the children, who had slept through the whole birth, despite my noise-making, one by one.
 |
| The big kids were sleepy, but baby S was wide awake. |
First was Z, sleep still heavy on his eyes. But he was happy to see his new baby. He gave us both kisses before he was taken back to bed. Then came E, also groggy. We told her that Cupcake was here. We told her he was a brother. Her disappointment was obvious. She clung to her papa, and refused to give me or baby a kiss. Lastly, C was brought out. He was also upset to learn that Cupcake was a brother, but he let me show him our baby before he returned to his bed.
It was near 2:30 am when I climbed into my own bed, tiny boy tucked into my arm, and fell asleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment
You are awesome! ♥