A long time ago, before the thought of having my own family had really taken a hold of my mind and heart, I had assumptions about how certain aspects of my future life would be. The one I'm going to talk about is, of course, Christmas.
I was raised in a home where Christmas was celebrated. It was celebrated with a tree and presents, with family, and with the magic that naturally accompanies this time of year. I was raised believing in Santa, as well as in Jesus Christ. It was all I knew and, I assumed, all I would ever know.
Christmas 1988 Why shouldn't my future Christmases be filled with familiar traditions? Why wouldn't I carry on the magic that I enjoyed as a child? What else was there?
Then I met, and after a short while married, my handsome Mr. Boss. I was aware, when we wed, that my new husband did not like Christmas. I just didn't really know to what extent.
Suddenly, our first Christmas was upon us, and I was so confused. I desired the excitement of the traditions from my childhood, but also wanted to keep my irritated spouse happy. Christmas won that year, when I bought my very own, pre-lit, artificial tree. Mr. Boss also “won” when I agreed not to bestow upon him any Christmas gifts. And I knew not to expect any from him, either.
Christmas 2006 Already pregnant with our first child, I imagined what future Christmases would hold. Everyone told me that Mr. Boss would change his tune, once he had children, and I hoped for that, more than anything. Even so, I decided to “compromise” with him. I would not teach our children to believe in Santa. I thought it would be enough to get him to come around by the next year.
Our first Christmas as parents came the very next year, but there I was setting up my tree by myself again. And there was a December scowl pasted on the face of my beloved. Still, I was assured, when our children were old enough to get excited by Christmas, then I would see a change in my husband.
Christmas 2007 Our only child was just shy of 6-months-old, so I kept that Christmas small. The few gifts I bought for C were never wrapped, and were actually introduced to him a day late.
By our third Christmas we had two small children, and I began to wonder if Mr. Boss would ever warm up to the holiday season. Due to finances, and the ages of the children, I chose to have a simple Christmas, highlighted only by the sparkling, decorated tree. Loving ward members had a different idea, and a bag of gifts was dropped of at our door, although not as sneakily as those who made the delivery may have liked. (I still laugh at that memory... nearly running into two familiar men on their way to our door as I ran a bag of trash out to the dumpster.)
Christmas 2008 I overflowed with gratitude for the kindness we were shown that year.
On our fourth Christmas, I think mostly out of habit, or fear of the unknown, I tried again to have what I envisioned to be a “traditional Christmas”. This was the only year I did stockings. And, though there were few presents, I tried to make it look exciting and big. But at the end of it all, it just didn't feel right. Something was missing, the focus of our celebration was off.
When I pulled out the decor for our fifth Christmas, I left quite a bit in storage. I set up some lights in our windows, and I put up the tree, with the least amount of ornaments ever, and that was it. I had recently read some articles that inspired me to try a gift-free Christmas. And I tried my best to turn my focus from secular celebrations to the true meaning of Christmas. I tried to turn my focus to Christ.
Christmas 2010 Our fifth Christmas was far more simple than any before, and in our own home there were no gifts. But, as one might expect, loving family members did give, and the children received presents from grandparents, aunts and uncles.
On December 26th I was feeling quite downtrodden. I was confused and feeling like I'd failed. I felt like I had not only taken the joy and magic of a “traditional” Christmas from my children, but that I had failed to replace it with one that was truly centered on Christ. Instead, it seemed, we had fallen somewhere in the middle, and it all felt meaningless.
I had a faint idea of what I had wanted Christmas to be, but no vision or plan of how to get there. And I knew I didn't want to feel this way again in a year.
Christmas 2011 So, here we are, the Eve of my 6th married Christmas, my 5th as a mother, and... I'm feeling very similarly to how I felt nearly one year ago. I feel like nothing has changed, and I know that it is my own fault.
Because the children are a little bit older, I have been able to explain to them why we celebrate Christmas. (C knows: "it's to celebrate Jesus' birthday.") And I've had the opportunity to explain to them why we don't believe in/do Santa, while still teaching them not to ruin it for others. They seem to understand the reason for the season, and yet I still feel like we're missing something.
Like last year, we aren't doing gifts this year, (aside from the ones sent by loving grandmothers.) The gifts are fun and exciting, but in those moments when paper is being shredded and the contents inside revealed, I worry that the natural tendency is not to have thoughts of our Savior, but “what did I get?” The gifts are fun and exciting, but is it possible that they are too distracting? That they are extra fluff that blocks the view of the star, the stable, the child?
My question this Christmas Eve is, what can be done to return our thoughts to Christ this Christmas? Are the presents, the decorations, the decadent foods really necessary, or can a truly Merry Christmas be had without?
It is Christmas Eve, and it feels like it's too late to fully turn my focus to the real reason for the season, but the beautiful thing is this: it is never too late. I'm grateful that my church has set up a site with wonderful ideas and traditions to help in creating a more Christ-centered Christmas.
I hope that next year finds me better prepared to celebrate the birth of my Savior.
I was raised in a home where Christmas was celebrated. It was celebrated with a tree and presents, with family, and with the magic that naturally accompanies this time of year. I was raised believing in Santa, as well as in Jesus Christ. It was all I knew and, I assumed, all I would ever know.
Then I met, and after a short while married, my handsome Mr. Boss. I was aware, when we wed, that my new husband did not like Christmas. I just didn't really know to what extent.
Suddenly, our first Christmas was upon us, and I was so confused. I desired the excitement of the traditions from my childhood, but also wanted to keep my irritated spouse happy. Christmas won that year, when I bought my very own, pre-lit, artificial tree. Mr. Boss also “won” when I agreed not to bestow upon him any Christmas gifts. And I knew not to expect any from him, either.
Our first Christmas as parents came the very next year, but there I was setting up my tree by myself again. And there was a December scowl pasted on the face of my beloved. Still, I was assured, when our children were old enough to get excited by Christmas, then I would see a change in my husband.
By our third Christmas we had two small children, and I began to wonder if Mr. Boss would ever warm up to the holiday season. Due to finances, and the ages of the children, I chose to have a simple Christmas, highlighted only by the sparkling, decorated tree. Loving ward members had a different idea, and a bag of gifts was dropped of at our door, although not as sneakily as those who made the delivery may have liked. (I still laugh at that memory... nearly running into two familiar men on their way to our door as I ran a bag of trash out to the dumpster.)
I would be lying if I said I wasn't bothered by the mass-consumerism/commercialism/gluttony that seems to have become “traditional” Christmas. I think, in the past, I was blind to it, because I was caught up in it. All I knew about Christmas was beautiful decorations, perfectly wrapped parcels under the tree, delicious and rich foods, and all the shopping. I mean, I knew Christmas was about Jesus Christ, but at the same time, I wonder if I really did know.
Being married to a man who would like to have nothing to do with this entire month has caused me to step back and examine it myself and my celebration of holidays. And, when I did, the rose colored glasses came of quick.
Being married to a man who would like to have nothing to do with this entire month has caused me to step back and examine it myself and my celebration of holidays. And, when I did, the rose colored glasses came of quick.
On our fourth Christmas, I think mostly out of habit, or fear of the unknown, I tried again to have what I envisioned to be a “traditional Christmas”. This was the only year I did stockings. And, though there were few presents, I tried to make it look exciting and big. But at the end of it all, it just didn't feel right. Something was missing, the focus of our celebration was off.
When I pulled out the decor for our fifth Christmas, I left quite a bit in storage. I set up some lights in our windows, and I put up the tree, with the least amount of ornaments ever, and that was it. I had recently read some articles that inspired me to try a gift-free Christmas. And I tried my best to turn my focus from secular celebrations to the true meaning of Christmas. I tried to turn my focus to Christ.
On December 26th I was feeling quite downtrodden. I was confused and feeling like I'd failed. I felt like I had not only taken the joy and magic of a “traditional” Christmas from my children, but that I had failed to replace it with one that was truly centered on Christ. Instead, it seemed, we had fallen somewhere in the middle, and it all felt meaningless.
I had a faint idea of what I had wanted Christmas to be, but no vision or plan of how to get there. And I knew I didn't want to feel this way again in a year.
Because the children are a little bit older, I have been able to explain to them why we celebrate Christmas. (C knows: "it's to celebrate Jesus' birthday.") And I've had the opportunity to explain to them why we don't believe in/do Santa, while still teaching them not to ruin it for others. They seem to understand the reason for the season, and yet I still feel like we're missing something.
Like last year, we aren't doing gifts this year, (aside from the ones sent by loving grandmothers.) The gifts are fun and exciting, but in those moments when paper is being shredded and the contents inside revealed, I worry that the natural tendency is not to have thoughts of our Savior, but “what did I get?” The gifts are fun and exciting, but is it possible that they are too distracting? That they are extra fluff that blocks the view of the star, the stable, the child?
My question this Christmas Eve is, what can be done to return our thoughts to Christ this Christmas? Are the presents, the decorations, the decadent foods really necessary, or can a truly Merry Christmas be had without?
It is Christmas Eve, and it feels like it's too late to fully turn my focus to the real reason for the season, but the beautiful thing is this: it is never too late. I'm grateful that my church has set up a site with wonderful ideas and traditions to help in creating a more Christ-centered Christmas.
I hope that next year finds me better prepared to celebrate the birth of my Savior.
2 comments:
For me, Christmas is more about giving then getting. Christ gave his life for us and that's what I like to focus on this season. I look at what I can do/get for others, even if it's a prayer that they may get as many blessings and feel the joy of the season. When I start a family of my own I plan on doing what a friend of mine does, she only gives her children 3 gifts (she says from Santa and gives on from herself) because when Jesus was born he got just 3 gifts. I think it's a wonderful way to keep Christ in Christmas because Jesus really is the reason for the season. I also enjoy reading the birth of Jesus from the Bible every Christmas eve. It's magical and keeps my focus on giving.
Sending my prayers to you and your family this season!
WOW! What a hard thing to decide/come to what you really want to do. I think that would be difficult to have spouses think differently about something that is such a beloved, memorable holiday for me personally. I hope that you're able to find exactly how you want to do it next year and I hope you can still enjoy your Christmas this year and feel the feelings that come with Christmas. Sending love your way! Thanks for sharing!
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