imagining the days to come, with a failing hold on yesterday

She fell asleep in my arms tonight. Nestled in the crook of my arm, my precious girl, filled her belly with goodness and her mind with dreams.
Her very first birthday is less than 2 weeks away. I am busy planning her party. The invitations are done, and are being distributed. Truthfully, I'm not entirely sure how I plan to entertain our guests, but I've got a couple of ideas.
Tonight, as she slept and ate, I ran my fingers though her hair, caressed her soft little face and her impossibly round cheeks. I held her tiny hand in mine, and felt the weight of her body across my chest. I don't want to forget how she feels right now.
Sometimes I wish I could pause a moment, like a photograph, if only to make it last a bit longer. Sadly that is simply not a possibility. This is why I was taking so much of her in. Feeling, caressing, squeezing, holding. If I cannot pause this moment I would at least like to remember it, vividly and fondly.
It's strange to think my substantial little cherub will be 1 so soon. Even as she grows and accomplishes new things I find myself thinking there is no way this girl is older than 6 months!

She is walking. Wobbly for now, with lots of tumbles. She is currently unable to stand herself up, and still has to grab hold of something to brace herself with. But once she's up she'll let go and walk around, with a grin on her face, until she falls down.
She is talking. Words and phrases I have heard from her sweet little mouth: Mama, Daddy, dog/doggy, get down, got you, good job, love you (it was beautiful,) and as of this morning touch.
She is a stinker. She meanders her way over to the bookshelf 1000 times a day, happily grabbing books and tossing them to the floor with a thud!
She's climbing, on anything that is low enough. Thank goodness we don't have stairs!
She is a spirited and daring young thing. She is bright and sunny. She is silly. She is fantastic.
When I'm changing her clothes, I leave her for a moment without a shirt on. Without fail she starts patting her tummy with her pudgy little hands. I suppose she enjoys the slapping noise as she uses her body as a drum.

As the year fades away I find myself looking ahead to the unknown. I miss what I've left behind, dearly, but I know there are new adventures waiting for us.
I'll tell you this much, though. Having now met the first birthday of one, I haven't found it any easier to accept that another one has grown and is ready to meet a new year. Every birthday, every reminder that my babies are growing away from being babies, will break my heart. It will never become easier, in fact, it may become more difficult.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm strong enough.